Saturday, November 6, 2010

Posthumous Playlist

I'm feeling rather morbid this evening (cleaning your own dried vomit from your foul-smelling car door will do that to a person). So naturally I got to thinking about songs I want to be played at my funeral. I don't plan on dying anytime soon, you vultures, but I do think this is a very important issue that should be planned early on (just in case). I believe that you should be in control of this one small thing, if you can't choose when and how you're going to go (in my ideal world, it would be shot down in a blaze of glory!). I want my funeral to be the shindig of a lifetime. A hootenanny to shame all other hootenannies. I want there to be brightly colored Jell-O shots, a photo booth with silly costumes, and a buffet of all my favorite foods (which no one will be allowed to consume only in moderation.)

You guys. Only you'll be wearing electric blue beehive wigs,
fake Tom Seleck mustaches, and at least three different feather boas.

The one thing that absolutely MUST take place at my funeral is karaoke. And EVERYONE must take a turn. You can go in pairs or groups, if you experience stage fright. But the only way to truly honor my memory is to give me a heavenly (or awesomely bad) rendition of one of my favorite songs:

1. Freebird and/or Tuesday's Gone by Lynyrd Skynyrd
2. Gimme Shelter and/or Paint it Black by the Rolling Stones
3. Think by Aretha Franklin
4. Anything by the Spice Girls (Except Wannabe)
5. House of the Rising Sun by the Animals
6. Burning Love by Elvis (in honor of my inaugural karaoke debut)
7. Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon and Garfunkel (for my Mom)
8. Carry on My Wayward Son by Kansas
9. Don't Stop Believin' by Journey (also a group singalong)
10. I'll Make a Man Out of You from Disney's Mulan (BONUS POINTS!!!)
11. Uptown Girl by Billy Joel
12. Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi
13. Bohemian Rhapsody and/or Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen
14. Gimme Gimme Gimme by ABBA
15. Don't You Forget About Me by Simple Minds (for John Hughes)

For the most part, these are all songs that have special meaning for me. Or they are just freaking awesome. In any case, my funeral will be off the hizz-ook (that's a phrase, right?)! I just wish I could be there to party down with y'all. Sadly I'll be residing in a happy face cookie jar urn somewhere in Canada. But I'll be watching just to make sure you eat that extra piece of cake, or take that extra Jell-o shot. And I'll know if you never make it to the stage. Or if you try to sing a song you know I hate (ie anything country). I will haunt your spiteful ass till kingdom come.

I realize that this is slightly creepier than
an actual gravestone.

PS: If I die in the near future, I apologize for the prophetic and latent eerie tone of this post. Oooooh spooky! Aw, dammit. I just jinxed myself...


  1. any excuse to have a party right?

    i call paint it black... i lovvvvvvvvvve that song

  2. I doubt I'll be invited to your funeral, since I don't even know your real name or live in the same State as you, but I would be very excited to go to it! Not because you'd be dead...that part is sad...but I LOVE karaoke! Also, that song list is awesome.

    I'll take "I'll Make A Man Out Of You" from Mulan. I have been singing that non-stop for the last two weeks, ever since I made a CD of all the best Disney songs for the kid to listen to in the car. We usually replay that one bout three times before moving on to the next. He calls it, "Be Your Man", because that's what he thinks it says when they say "Be A Man". We will be renting Mulan soon, because he's never seen it.

    Please don't die, though. I'm really loving your blog. It's a bright spot in my day!

  3. I will shout from the rooftops to declare my love for "I'll Make a Man Out of You." I am 23 years old and not ashamed that I love Disney and that song with all my heart. Quite simply, it. kicks. ass. I'm glad that your son already recognizes how awesome it is : ) And I'll try not to die. Though I made my funeral sound so awesome, maybe I should just throw the party anyway and not wait to die.

  4. That's a great idea! You should throw that party while you're still around to enjoy it!