Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Positive Thinking vs. Lowered Expectations

Apparently there was an earthquake in Southern California this morning around 4am. Luckily, I didn't feel a thing and slept right through it even though earthquakes are my biggest phobia. However, I believe that subconsciously I was aware that I was in the middle of an earthquake and that is why I had a horrible nightmare which exposed all of my inner anxiety. I dreamed that I couldn't even get a job at a donut shop and woke up crying. This was a horrible way to start the day. I was also stressed because I've been falling behind on the one job I'm getting paid to do, reading scripts.

Fortunately all of these horrible omens canceled each other out because I got a call this morning to interview at an independent production company in North Hollywood. For someone who hasn't had an interview in over a month and my back-up plan of working for the Census is becoming more and more unlikely, this was extremely exciting.

I went to the interview at 1:30pm and automatically knew this was the place I wanted to work. It was small enough that I could get experience working with lots of different roles in film development and production, but big enough to have influence. They deal with all aspects of the entertainment industry, music, television, and film, and are growing everyday. I would be a receptionist, but eventually I could become an assistant and who knows where that could lead. The money is decent, but I wouldn't even care because it's such an incredible start to my career. And when I was about ready to give up and work at Ralph's and do some kind of unpaid (slave labor) internship, this was an even more incredible opportunity.

I think the interview went really well. Everyone always says to think positively. But I'm afraid to let myself really want this and get attached to the fantasy of not only getting paid at a steady job, but a job that will take me where I want to go. I've been burned before by expecting too much. I'm trying to send good, hopeful vibes out into the universe since there's nothing I can do now to alter their decision. But I feel like I should just forget about the whole thing and keep applying elsewhere. If they call, then great. But I should prepare for the worst. I hate to be negative but I hate being disappointed even more.

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