Taking Back Christmas

I decorated for Christmas this past weekend. And I'm not ashamed. (Of course, by decorated, I mean that I put up one strand of mini-lights around my breakfast bar and set up a 12 inch fake tree covered in tiny glitter balls ((tee hee balls)) on the counter. But it's way more effort than I've ever exerted in the past. So this is kind of a big deal.) Yes, I'm aware that Thanksgiving is still weeks away and everyone still has their creatively slutty Halloween photos posted on their Facebook profiles. I've been mocked by family, friends, and homeboy (who refuses to let me even turn on the Christmas lights when he's around until December 1st). Everyone seems to think it's wrong and commercial to get a jump on the season.

My actual tree. This is the extent of my Christmas decorations,
Mostly brought to you by the Target dollar section.

But here's the thing, by the time Christmas rolls around on December 1st, I'm already sick of it. It's like seeing a trailer for a movie you really want to see so far in advance that by the time it actually opens, it's been overexposed to death and you end up just waiting to watch it when it comes out on Netflix. Convoluted metaphor aside, I'm ready for Christmas now, dammit! And because I is an American grown-up, I can do whatever the hell I please! Ergo, a little holiday display that makes me inexplicably happy :D In the spirit of pre-Christmas, I have compiled a list of my favorite festive films (huzzah for alliteration!). Watch with some delicious egg nog pancakes from IHOP (they are a real thing and really friggin' good):

"There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?"

Love Actually (2003)

A romantic comedy that's both so romantic and so comedic, that it really can be watched any time of year. However, it happens to take place at Christmas and is there for the cheeriest effing movie on the planet. And if you haven't seen it, I pity your soul for it is incomplete. Also, read this blog I wrote about a heartbreakingly doomed romance inspired by this movie that I came across a few years ago in Studio City! Best line: "Let's go get the shit kicked out of us by love."

"This is my house. I have to defend it."

Home Alone (1990)

Another movie that really can be watched any time of year. Because that's how good John Hughes is. That's right, my hero John Hughes of Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller acclaim also wrote this beloved family classic before sadly starting his descent into oblivion. Macaulay Culkin's best work, other than Party Monster which I also love. Best line: "When I grow up and get married, I'M LIVING ALONE!!"

"I have loved you since the moment I clapped eyes on you. What could be more reasonable than to marry you?"
"We'd kill each other."

Little Women (1994)

Fun fact about this movie, I originally went to see it as a chaperone for my brother Scott on what may have been his first date (Mormon dating rules. Go fig). Actually I have no idea if it was his first date, since I would have been about 6 or 7 at the time and all I remember is curling up in a ball and falling asleep in my chair. God knows what happened while I was out, but all I can say is, You're Welcome, Scott. Best line: Christian Bale proposing. Just all of it. I want to slap Jo every time, even though his hair was unattractively floppy at the time. She could have had it all and she settled for a potato-faced German professor. Boo.

"I didn't come here to make an impression on anybody.
I just came here to blow every last cent I had."

Last Holiday (2006)

God bless Queen Latifah. Few things make me happier than this movie. It is life affirming, hilarious, and makes you want to reach for the stars and make all your dreams come true. Plus, you really can crack a walnut with LL Cool J's ass. Little known fact, but it's true. Best line: tie between "Don't that ceiling ever make you wanna cry?" and "I shoulda ate that. I shoulda ate all that stuff. Especially that. Shoulda put my foot in that."

Yippee-ki-yay indeed.

Die Hard (1988)

I know I'm not the first person to proclaim, "it really is a Christmas movie!" But it really does get me in the mood for jingle bells and ugly sweaters. And seeing as it's the one action movie that every other action movie thereafter was modeled after, I'd say it's pretty damn significant. I can already check this one off of my holiday bucket list, since I watched it right after decorating my teeny tiny tree. Best line: "Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho." (Ok, no one actually says it, this is written in blood on a dead terrorist's shirt, but it's still pretty badass).

"Welcome to a life of insecurity and paralyzing self-doubt."

The O.C. Chrismukkuh Marathon (2003-2007)

Now, I could rant all day about how much I love the O.C. and that it is truly brilliant on a self-aware, genre parody/paradigm level. I won't because I already wrote an entire paper on it in college. True story. Got an A and everything, and the professor wasn't even a fan. I convinced her to start watching. If you won't give it a chance because you have some pre-conceived notion of soapy teen dramas based on its predecessors and cheap copycats, then you can just hopscotch straight to hell. This show kicks ass, and it is never better than its annual Chrismukkuh-themed episode. Even if you only watch those four episodes, you will be convinced that I am right. Best line: "Jesus and Moses. They both had beards." (Sung to Death Cab's A Lack of Color).

Of course, this early celebration to beat the rush may end up backfiring. I'll have to start my festivities earlier and earlier every year, until I start celebrating Christmas 2025 the day after Christmas 2024 which defeats the whole purpose of my experiment. But for now, I feel good about this decision.

Words You Should Use More

As a writer (sort of), I'm obviously a big fan of words. Which is why I firmly believe that we should all be expanding our vocabulary and using every conversation, status update, even tweet, as an excuse to employ a variety of awesome words. In that spirit, I've compiled a list of words that never fail to make me smile. Try and use them in a sentence today, just to humor me.

This picture is very literal. 

• Hooch
• Noun. Meaning booze. It invokes the idea of an old-timey speakeasy like the kind I recently discovered in Varnish in Downtown LA. And for some reason, when I'm having a bad day and really need a drink, calling it hooch makes it that much more satisfying.
• Shenanigans and/or Tomfoolery
• Noun. Meaning silly antics. It makes me think of good times with good friends doing stupid stuff.
• Fisticuffs
• Noun. Meaning a fight. I picture a couple of dandies slapping each other with designer gloves and that image is just priceless.

Fabulous.

• Dandy
• Adjective. Meaning great. Also, as a noun, "a man who affects extreme elegance in clothes and manners; a fop." I also like fop. Basically I think of Oscar Wilde and he totally would have been my gay best friend had we been contemporaries. We also have the same birthday which can't be a coincidence.
• Bitchin'
• Adjective. Meaning awesome. I know it's outdated, but slang words are cyclical. I think this one is ripe for a comeback. I also like that it's such a delightful, positive notion and yet it contains a swear word.
• Jaunty
• Adjective. Meaning...well I'm not sure what the exact definition is. I just know it when I see it. Basically I think of Clark Gable and other men who wear fedoras at a rakish angle. Ok, just googled it and it means "Having a buoyant or self-confident air, or crisp and dapper in appearance." Nice.
• Impervious
• Adjective. Meaning bulletproof. Well, not literally. But even saying the word makes me feel powerful. I'm a just a loon like that.

Such glorious disdain.

• Aces
• Exclamation. Meaning "that's good," but mostly sarcastically. I love this because John Hughes wrote it, and Molly Ringwald said it in Sixteen Candles. And when you're really pissed off, and someone is trying in vain to cheer you up, this is such a great comeback.
• Dig
• Verb, as in "I dig that." Meaning "I enjoy that."Also a slang term that has since faded into relative oblivion. But it's making a comeback, if I have anything to say about it.
• Loathe
• Verb. Meaning hate. If hate is such an ugly word, loathe is a lot more dignified and elegant. It also feels so much more sincere. You have to really hate something to use the word loathe.
• Grand
• Adjective. Also meaning great. Whenever someone asks me how I am, I refuse to say fine or great. I try to use a different response every time. I also like magnificent, tremendous, and phenomenal. It tends to catch people off guard and make you appear very winsome and adorable. Which I am.
• Indomitable
• Adjective. Meaning "impossible to subdue or defeat." This is another empowering word. Especially when combined in the phrase "indomitable will." It makes you feel like you are stronger than anything that comes your way.

His face is priceless here.

• Inconceivable
• Adjective. Meaning unbelievable. I love this almost exclusively because of the Princess Bride. "You keep on using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
• Hootenanny and/or Shindig
• Noun. Meaning a gathering of sorts. You know you're going to have a good time if you're going not to a soiree, which sounds really boring, but a good ol' fashioned hootenanny!

At first I was having a hard time coming up with more than like eight, but then they just started pouring out of my brain. I'm cutting myself off in order to avoid sounding like a rip-off of Urban Dictionary. But I will open this up to anyone who wishes to submit their own spectacular verbiage. (Oooh, two more great words!)

Vagina Pride!!

Some thoughts on the just wrapped up Oscars. I have never actually watched the Academy Awards all the way through. I also don't have a television. But I found a way to watch the entire thing online (even though towards the climax the link died and I had to watch the best parts dubbed in Spanish and my ears are still ringing). I guess I don't really deserve an opinion because I've only seen like five of the movies nominated out of every single movie mentioned. (Up in the Air which was gypped but I understand why, Up, eh overrated and I hate computer animation, and Inglorious Basterds, which I enjoyed despite my usual hatred of Tarantino, and that actually may be it.)

But it was a proud moment to see that a film helmed by a woman, especially a war film, finally earned so much respect. It was always a dream in the back of my mind to be the first, but if it had to be another woman, I'm glad it was Kathryn Bigelow. She seems so classy and gracious and I just wanted to give her a hug. It was sooo tacky though to have "I am woman, hear me roar" playing in the background, but even so, HELL YES!!! I do have to agree that this was largely political, but even so, she has the chops to back it up. I'm assuming. Like I said, I haven't seen the movie because I'm broke and I kind of hate war movies.

As well-earned as the Best Director award was, I do feel that Avatar was robbed for best picture. Haven't seen it. But based on the impact it has had on popular culture, and the impact it has made in the filmmaking world, I do feel like it deserved to win. I was watching the show via a British broadcast and their point was that this was clearly the more memorable film. I would also relate it somewhat to 1984 when Chariots of Fire (blech) won over Raiders of the Lost Ark. Who even remembers Chariots of Fire?

Anyway, yes it's all political. But in this case, it's political for the greater good. Kathryn Bigelow, you make me proud to be a woman in an industry that is still dominated by men. :D