WTF?

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Underwear Limbo

I am just sitting here at my desk in nothing but underwear and a green reindeer bathrobe. Why am I sharing this excess of useless information that has probably put a random and unpleasant picture in your mind? Because I may or may not have a date tonight. And because I'm not exactly sure, I don't know whether to put on my comfy pajamas, or get all cuted up for some boy. We started IMing and things were going well. We bantered about the poorly chosen location for West Hollywood, as well as how much commuting sucks. Then he asked me to meet for a drink and I said, sure, why not? (He's 6'' and lives less than a half hour away, so those are the first requirements right there. He's also a writer so he was able to spell correctly and express himself using real words. Score!)

This is not me, but that is my bathrobe.
 And my happy face slippers, aww I miss those!
My friend was wearing them as a costume
for when she played a crazy person in one of my movies
in college. It was a good wardrobe choice for crazy.

I had to cut the conversation short because I was headed out to yoga. I totally would have ditched it, but I already signed up and would have lost a credit. Not to mention I skipped last week to go to my parents' house and already felt guilty enough about it. So I gave him my number and told him to text me if he wanted to hang out later. I also gave him the name of an awesome Irish pub conveniently located near my house. Then I skedaddled because there's nothing worse than running late to yoga class (you get hate stares when you interrupt the flow of the chi.)

I found this when googling "yoga bitch face."

No text while I was in yoga, and no message when I got back to my apartment. Since the original plan was to meet at about 8:30pm, I knew I had to book it to get showered and ready. But there was no real confirmation that he got my message about my number and the bar. So I proceeded with my routine up until the point where I have to decide, makeup or no makeup? Cute butt jeans and ever-so-slighty padded bra (which always feel like false advertising, but man do they do the trick!) or yoga pants and an oversized t-shirt? Thus the reindeer bathrobe. Because there's no commitment with a reindeer bathrobe.

Haha, and this had the caption, "Unbuttlievable!"

I re-read the IM conversation we had and realized that unfortunately our conversation could be interpreted in a couple ways. The first, that we were going to meet tonight at around 8:30pm. The second, that on some unspecified day this week (other than Wednesday because I have a date with another guy, BALLA!!!) we would be meeting at around 8:30pm. Oops. That's what you get for trying to be casual and noncommittal. You end up not making commitments like when and/or where you're going to meet up!

Lady pimp.

Why am I stressing about this so much? I don't owe this guy anything. It's not like it's a meeting with my parole officer (that's tomorrow night. HAH!). But I feel guilty because it would be a bit of a drive for him and he has to wake up at 4:30am every day for work. He was already going to be staying out late just to meet me (awwwww! Sounds like good people to me!). So because of this modified sleep schedule, it's possible that he's either asleep right now and that's why I can't get a hold of him. Or he's sitting at the Irish pub waiting for me to show up in my cute butt jeans and padded bra (side note, the padded bra has become a necessity since I started losing weight in the one area I could not afford to shrink).

This could be him, all sad and lonely
with only his girly cocktail to comfort him
from the devastation of being stood up by me!

So what do you think? Is he fast asleep, secure in the knowledge that we'll set up a date at a later time? Or is he all sad and lonely at a bar in an unfamiliar town waiting for this delightful creature who may very well be the love of his life? I DON'T KNOW! I already sent him a message essentially asking him if he wanted to reschedule, and no response. He may not have a smart phone (I don't either), so he doesn't get the OkCupid app. He also may be slightly dumb and forgot to take down my phone number and left the house without a way to contact me. I know I'm way over-thinking this. But I would hate to take the trouble to get cute (ugh), and then go sit at a bar by myself for an hour. However, I think I would hate to do that to someone else that's going out of his way for me (eventually affecting his work tomorrow).

I haven't even met this guy and already I'm going psycho on him (though that would explain the reindeer on the bathrobe I'm wearing in June). And I'm not really a psycho girl, I swear. I just would like some confirmation so I can at least put some goddamn clothes on!

Even More Fishy Deal Breakers

This is a follow up to my list of deal breakers when it comes to just looking at profiles. Here are a few more that pertain to actual interaction with potential fish:

• Messages that just say, "Hi," or something similarly brief and generic. Say something that shows you actually read my profile. Because it's a good one. 

This is NOT me. I just wanted to prove that there is a conspiracy out there about how shaving your legs is not really a huge pain in the ass. I do it because I'm socially obligated, but I don't have to like it! Harrumph!

• Flakiness. I seem to run into this a lot. These guys like to hold off on confirming plans, frequently cancel them at the last minute, and come up with lame excuses as to why. (Sorry guys I've actually dated, you were just as guilty!) Then they try to set up something else and act like they didn't just leave you hanging an hour before you were supposed to meet when you took the trouble of shaving your legs and putting on makeup. For someone as low-maintenance as me, this is NOT OK.
• Late night and/or over-texting. If I make the decision to give out my phone number, which I do not do lightly, some guys text you a million times a day, sometimes multiple texts in a row without letting you respond, (especially bad since I don't have unlimited texting) and the worst offense of all, texting after 10pm on a weeknight. I'm sorry boys, I have to get my beauty sleep. Because I'm a monster if I get less than 8 hours of sleep. And a boy who texts you at 2am, most likely does not have honorable intentions on his mind.

What I feel like most of the time...

• Hot and cold. One minute, he's giving you the full court press and you have all the power, the next, you feel like "Josie Grossie at the Prom" (Shout-Out to my buddy Allison for that little gem). Dating shouldn't be this much of a game. If you're interested, be interested. If you're not, then just let it go. Be straightforward from the start.
• Inappropriateness. Nothing makes you feel less like a lady than a guy talking dirty to you when you haven't even met yet and just barely started getting to know each other. I'm sorry, but you have to earn that right with me, Sir. I have some dignity, after all! Whatever happened to romance and being woo'd (tee hee, that's another word I love, woo)? Just sayin'.
• Relationship status. This is related to the previous item. If you're really just looking for a hook-up, or an "intimate encounter" as the creepier pervs refer to it as (shudder), just be honest. Surely there's someone out there for you who is into that. Don't lie and say you want a relationship when you don't. No hard feelings.
• Breaking up via text message. Yep. That happened. Granted, I appreciated that it was a lot less awkward than doing it in person. But come on, at least give a girl a phone call!

 It's been an exhilarating and obnoxious experience, so I just had to share my observations on the subject. Anyone else have any weird deal breakers?

PS! I just thought of another one! I had a guy message me me first that I was actually really interested in (6'3'', lives relatively close to me, Jewish), but then he never got back to me! Hey, you made the first move buddy. How did I manage to alienate a guy before we've even met?