On a lighter note...

Oh doom and gloom, my life sucks whatever. The good news is, I have a plan and the means with which to accomplish it. Part of my job entails laminating hours on end. Laminating means touching hot plastic which is both painful and a pain in the ass. The upside of this repetitive task, is that I have discovered that my fingerprints have been slowly disappearing! Soon, I'll have no individual identifying marks whatsoever!

I should have noticed this gift when they tried to fingerprint me to work for the Census as an official government official, but had trouble since my fingers barely made an impression. But now, I'm certain they are almost completely burned off, just like Will Smith in Men in Black. Because if there is anyone I identify with, it's Will Smith in Men in Black. "N.Y.P.D., means I will knock yo' punkass down!" Right? (though it always bothered me that he didn't know 'knock' starts with a 'k' and not an 'n.' But whatevs. He still managed to save the planet.)

My first instinct, naturally is to become a world class jewel thief. Detectives will dust for prints, but HAH! There will be none to find! And I will be sipping margaritas on the beach, mamasita! Or I could become a top secret, super undercover assassin. I could eliminate my target, leave the weapons, and it could never be traced back to me! Because who would believe that I, the very picture of Mormon wholesomeness, would be capable of such a thing? Or I could be a rodeo clown! Though I'm not sure how my lack of fingerprints will help me there. Plus there are few things I hate more than rodeos and clowns, so being a rodeo clown would be the stupidest plan ever.

But the point is, I am now invincible! Ahahahahahaha~ (evil cackle...)